Want To Do A Better Job of Listening?

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.

Jiddu Krishnamurti ~ (1895 – 1986) spiritual philosopher

At the heart of a good interview is your ability to be an active listener – to listen , as Krishnamurti notes, to the whole of what someone says, not to just the words. Here are seven things you can do that will help you do a better job of listening.

Acknowledging

• Non-verbal – an open relaxed body position, facing the person squarely, eye contact, nodding and appropriate emotional response, i.e. smiling, sad, or curious. Use of silence to give your subject time to think and reflect.

• Verbal – “I see.” “Uh, huh.” “Okay.” “Yeah.” “Oh, really.”

Questioning

• Use open questions, How? What? Where? When? rather than closed questions that lead to yes or no responses. Example:  closed – “Did that affect you?”  Open – “How did that affect you?”

• Stay away from “Why” questions which can make a person feel defensive.

• Avoid an interrogating style and aim for a conversational tone that is calm and gentle.

• Ask one question at a time and keep questions short and simple.

Suspending judgment

• Refrain from verbal expressions of disapproval. Don’t use words such as “should”, “ought” or “must”.

• Avoid non-verbal disapproval. Don’t grimace or shake your head or cast your eyes heavenward.

• Don’t give opinions unless asked.

Concentrating

• Leave your concerns outside the door and be fully present.

• Focus on your subject and be alert to when your mind wanders. Gently bring it back to the “here and now”.

Supporting

• Express warmth and caring in a personal and appropriate way.

• Don’t interrupt.

Clarifying

• When you’re not clear about what your subject said, ask for clarification or paraphrase what they’ve said to be certain you’ve understood the person correctly.

Summarizing

• Pulling together feelings, experiences, ideas and facts without adding any new ideas helps provide a sense of movement to the interview. It also demonstrates to your subject your ability to listen attentively to what has been said and as a result builds trust.

Photo by Caleb

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