Tag Archives: Life stories

I Need Your Advice.

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Have you done your own personal history?

As a professional personal historian, I’m sometimes asked if I’ve ever had my life story told. I haven’t. And I always feel awkward about my response. I usually mutter  that I’m too busy doing other people’s stories.  It’s not a very satisfactory answer.

If I don’t see the value of preserving my history, why should anyone believe me when I tell them the great advantages of preserving their own?

Now the fact is that I’m an only child and I don’t have any children of my own.  There aren’t any family members to leave my life story to. A few of my friends might be interested but that’s about it. So part of me thinks, “Why bother?”

Now this is where I need your advice.

What could you say that would inspire me to do my life story?

Please send me your comments. Who knows? You might actually get me started on my personal history! :-)

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Monday’s Link Roundup.

Monday's Link Roundup

In this Monday’s Link Roundup my favorite piece is Why there really is no place like home.  For those of us who interview people about their lives, this lovely essay reminds us of the richness of stories wrapped up in our homes. Speaking of life stories, don’t miss A Story for Generations: Home Front Girl.  The author recounts what it was like writing her mother’s personal history.

  • A Story for Generations: Home Front Girl. “Imagine this: you have access to the diaries of your mother or father: Windows into your family’s past. Snapshots of moments of history. What would this process be like? To sift through documents, to piece together a life — and, ultimately, your own family history? Susan Morrison, the blogger and author at Home Front Girl Diary, has this very story to tell.”
  • How Can I Record Calls on My Smartphone? “As long as you’re just looking to record your consensual conversations with coworkers, you should be fine, but for everyone else, it’s a good idea to brush up on when it’s legal to record calls first. That being said, you have a few options.”
  • Why there really is no place like home. “Houses are such complex repositories. Everything we have lived and felt is there in the frame of a window that looks out to the trees, in the folds of the curtains, the cushions of a sofa, in the bathrooms we never liked and in the kitchens we adored, in the slope of a deck and in the sound and feel of the door that slapped shut when we let it close behind us. Purposeful and pragmatic and calming with their sensible roofs, their square proportions, their sturdy heft, the serious, watchful eyes of their windows, they have heard and seen everything.”
  • The Bookstore That Changed My Life. “The sign on the door said EXPERIENCED BOOKS. I found the store while wandering around my new neighborhood after moving to Salt Lake City. The door opened and a guy walking a dog exited. He said, “Go in man, you’ll definitely leave with something.” This reminded me of the shop in Stephen King’s Needful Things. But then, books remind me of everything, and everything reminds me of books.”
  • How to Use LinkedIn to Your Best Advantage. “While I don’t actively think about it, I do have goals for how I use LinkedIn. As a consultant, I want to be sure that prospective clients can find me. I have also used the site to ensure that potential employers or recruiters can find me, as well as to find employees or partners. I want to be seen as knowledgeable in my area of expertise, and connected both geographically and in my profession (digital content strategy). I’m also a big believer in karma, so I am happy to forward introductions or share prospective leads for jobs or projects. It may be odd, but I believe that “competitors” are extremely valuable people to know. Here are my recommendations about how to use LinkedIn to your best advantage.”

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Monday’s Link Roundup.

Monday's Link Roundup

In this Monday’s Link Roundup don’t miss Humorous tombstones: Making your last word a funny one.  It’ll put a smile on your face.  On a more serious note you might want to read 9 things you wish you knew before your first TV interview. Excellent advice before your big interview.

  • First Person Project brings a new take on history. “The First Person Project, located in the University of Georgia’s Richard B. Russell Library for Political Research and Studies, allows everyday people to come into the facility and interview each other in pairs, usually friends or family, about their personal history and experiences with larger historical and cultural events, according to FPP’s website.” [Thanks to Lettice Stuart of Portraits in Words for alerting me to this article.]
  • 9 things you wish you knew before your first TV interview. “There are few moments more exciting for an author than when you schedule that first television interview with a local talk show. After you stop grinning and sharing the good news with your social media networks, you realize that you’ve never been interviewed on camera before . . . and panic sets in.”
  • Humorous tombstones: Making your last word a funny one. ” Eleanor Herman, a historian and author who lives in McLean, feels most people take death far too seriously. Where is the levity? Where is the humor? Where is the winking admission that death is the final joke in this long-running sitcom we call life? Well, on her tombstone, for starters. She’s determined to have the last laugh.”

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Monday’s Link Roundup.

Monday's Link Roundup

In today’s Monday’s Link Roundup, don’t miss Memoir of time spent with Grandma reveals old truths, young wisdom.  I’ve read excerpts and it’s definitely on my list of must-read books. I love magazines and if you do too, you’ll want to take a look at The Art of Making Magazines. Thinking of using audio to compliment your marketing? You may be on the right track. Check out Is Audio The Next Big Thing In Digital Marketing?

  • I grew up in the future. “The future arrived much earlier in our house than anywhere else because my mother is an emerging technologies consultant…I would never want to be too far away from those who live and work perpetually in the vanguard, who have chosen that risky, Schrödinger’s Cat-like existence. Even after growing up with my mother and the remains of a hundred half-baked ideas, such people’s willingness to ride the wave, their foolhardiness and their bravery, still provokes awe in me.”
  • The Stories That Bind Us. “The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative…The [children] who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges…” [Thanks to April Bell of  Tree Of Life Legacies for alerting me to this item.]
  • In the Digital Era, Our Dictionaries Read Us. “With the spread of digital technologies, dictionaries have become a two-way mirror, a record not just of words’ meanings but of what we want to know. Digital dictionaries read us.”
  • The Art of Making Magazines. [Book review] “If a magazine still is what it’s been for almost three centuries—an ink-on-paper “storehouse” of writing, published on a regular schedule—then the “media industrial revolution” (to use Tina Brown’s awkward phrase) is surely in the process of rendering many of our magazines obsolete. Seen historically, The Art of Making Magazines—a collection of twelve lectures by esteemed editors, proofreaders, designers, and writers delivered over the last decade to graduate students at the Columbia School of Journalism—may have barely made its deadline.”
  • Memoir of time spent with Grandma reveals old truths, young wisdom.[Book review] “The Truth About Luck tells the story – charmingly and fitfully – of how the author, Iain Reid, decides to take his 92-year-old grandmother on a fantastical trip in order to bond with her. Immediately, Reid remembers that he is a cash-strapped writer who hates flying in planes, is the owner of a crummy, decomposing car and whose general constitution is, in many ways, far frailer than that of his grandma: a fearless, funny, sage-like woman who served as a nurse in Second World War.”

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How Good are Your Interviewing Skills?

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Try this short self-assessment. You’ll  get a sense of your strengths and weaknesses as a personal history interviewer.

My suggestion would be to work from a printed copy. You can easily do this by scrolling to the bottom and next to Share this click the print button.

This is adapted from a larger self-assessment that I developed for use by our Life Stories volunteers at Victoria Hospice.

_______________________________

1. I listen to my previous recorded interview with the storyteller and make notes on additional questions I want to ask.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 2. I prepare a list of questions I want to cover before my next interview session.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

3. I can leave my troubles at the door and concentrate on the storyteller.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

4. I ensure that the storyteller is as comfortable as possible for the interview.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 5. I ensure that all audio distractions such as telephones, radios, TVs, and music players are turned off.

always            almost always                   sometimes                 never

 6. I try my best to make sure that there are no other people in the room when I’m interviewing the storyteller.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

7. As much as possible, I use open-ended questions which start with: Who, What, When, Where How and sometimes Why.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 8. I provide appropriate supportive non-verbal listening such as nodding, smiling, frowning, leaning forward, and maintaining “non- intense” eye contact.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 9. I use supportive verbal acknowledgment sparingly. This includes such expressions as: I see. Yes. Mmm. Right. Of course. Really. Tell me more. That must have been very difficult.

 always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 10. I keep an open mind and don’t mentally judge the storyteller’s remarks.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 11. I ask only one question at a time.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 12. If I don’t understand what has been said, I ask the storyteller for clarification.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 13. When appropriate during the interview, I recap what the storyteller has told me.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 14. If possible, I face the storyteller and sit no more than five feet away.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

15. I speak in a clear voice and loud enough to be heard by the storyteller and picked up by the recorder mic.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 16. If I sense resistance to a question, I don’t force the storyteller to answer.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 17.  I easily admit to being at a loss for the next question and suggest time out.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

18. When I become aware that a response by the storyteller could cause others discomfort, I pause the recorder. I remind the storyteller that others will hear their remarks. I then ask if the storyteller wishes me to continue recording or switch to a different topic.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

19. I’m comfortable with sad, tearful moments.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

20. For the most part, I don’t ask questions from a list, preferring to use it as back up.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

21. I’m genuinely curious and encourage the storyteller to provide more detail and texture to stories. I temper this with a need to balance time constraints and to honor the storyteller’s wishes regarding disclosure.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

22. If I’m recording potentially revelatory stories, I make certain that as soon as possible I acknowledge on the recording that the storyteller has given me permission to record this material.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

23. I know when I’m encountering emotionally charged stories that are beyond my ability and expertise to handle.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

24. I’m comfortable suggesting to the storyteller that the person might wish to speak to a counselor.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

25. I gently bring the storyteller back to the topic at hand if the person has strayed into material that is of little or no interest.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 26. If the storyteller begins to use the interview as an opportunity to malign someone, I stop the recording. I explain that this is not appropriate and that I will not proceed if the storyteller insists on expressing such comments.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

 27. I am more concerned at getting the stories behind a life than the facts of the story.

always             almost always                   sometimes                 never

28. At the end of the interview session I thank the storyteller for taking the time to share memories.

always              almost always                  sometimes                  never

_______________________

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The 50 Best Questions to Ask Your Mother.

mother and daughter

How well do you really know your Mother? Chances are, not as well as you think.

With Mother’s Day not far off ( May 12), why not consider putting together a little recording or booklet about your Mother? The following questions are a good place to start.

[ Note: These questions assume a traditional family with Mom, Dad, and children. I'm aware that the wording of several questions might feel exclusionary for same sex partners with children. That's not my intent. The questions can be easily adapted to fit any family. ]

  1. Describe who you were as a little girl.
  2. What’s a favorite story from your childhood?
  3. What did you learn from your parents?
  4. How are you like and different from your Mother?
  5. How are you like and  different from your Father?
  6. Other than your parents, who was the most important person in your life when you were a child? And why?
  7. What’s a favorite memory from your elementary school days?
  8. As a young girl, what did you dream of being one day?
  9. How did your childhood shape the woman you are today?
  10. Tell me a story that involves you and your first boy friend.
  11. As an adolescent, what kind of mischief did you get into?
  12. Tell me about your first job.
  13. What did you work at the longest and what did you like about it?
  14. What didn’t you like about that job?
  15. Tell me how you and Dad met?
  16. What attracted you to him?
  17. What did you hope for in your married life?
  18. How did your married life meet your expectations?
  19. How are you and Dad alike and different?
  20. Tell me a story about a special time in your marriage.
  21. What have you learned about marriage that you’d like to pass on to others?
  22. How did having children change your life?
  23. What’s the best and worst thing about being a Mother?
  24. What words of wisdom do you have on parenting?
  25. What was an important road not taken?
  26. What have you been the proudest of in your life?
  27. Tell me a story that shows how you overcame an obstacle in your life.
  28. What would you say are your weaknesses?
  29. What’s a dream not yet fulfilled?
  30. What do you rely on to get you through the tough times?
  31. Describe a moment in your life that was filled with wonder.
  32. Who’s been the most important person in your adult life? And why?
  33. How would you describe your spiritual beliefs?
  34. What’s your view of an afterlife?
  35. What has always come easy to you?
  36. What are your three wishes for me?
  37. What do you admire about me?
  38. If you had one piece of advice for me, what would it be?
  39. What qualities do you admire in your friends?
  40. If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? And why?
  41. What makes you laugh?
  42. What makes you sad?
  43. Whom do you admire most in the world? And why?
  44. What was the happiest time in your life?
  45. What’s unique about you?
  46. If you could change one thing in your life, what would that be?
  47. What’s the most amazing thing you’ve experienced in your life?
  48. Tell me something that people don’t know about you.
  49. If you had only one day to live, how would you live it?
  50. How would you like to be remembered?

If you found these questions helpful, you might also want to look at The 50 Best Life Story Questions.

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Are Your Clients Getting Too Little?

too little

Recently I was reading an article by marketing provocateur Seth Godin. In his usual challenging manner he hit the nail on the head.

” The hard part isn’t charging a lot. The hard part is delivering more (in the eye of the recipient) than he paid for…Too often, in the race to charge less, we deliver too little. And in the race to charge more, we forget what it is that people want. They want more. And better.”

This got me thinking.  A personal history book or video is a big ticket item for most clients. So what can we do to demonstrate that our clients will get get more than they expected?

Here are some ideas that come to mind:

Emphasize the lasting value of A life story.

When you have an initial conversation with a potential client, use  words such as investment rather than cost, legacy rather than personal history, gift instead of book or video.

I sometimes use a new car analogy. I point out that as soon as you drive a car off the lot, it begins to depreciate. On the other hand, a Life Story appreciates over time. You can’t say that about many things.

Use your professional qualifications.

It’s true that “Cousin George” can probably do the book for half the price. But does he have the experience and professional background to do a first-class job?

When people hire me, they know that not only are they getting an experienced professional personal historian but also a former award-winning documentary filmmaker. My work will be better than “Cousin George’s”.  At least I hope so. ;-)

Look for ways you can make your qualifications stand out.

Give your client more than just a book.

There are a number of ways to add  extras.

  • Include a set of audio CDs of your interviews.
  • Provide a poster size duplication of the book cover.
  • Give a subscription to a a family history magazine.
  • Reproduce a treasured archival photo from the book and have it framed.
  • Organize a launch party for friends and family after the book’s publication.

Find those little extras that add more value to your work.

Emphasize the superior quality of your books.

Have one of your beautiful personal history books to showcase your work. The quality will speak for itself. Point out the exceptional archival paper stock and inks that are used.  Acquaint clients with the  outstanding design elements.

You want to convey the message that these are “Legacy” books that will last for generations.

stress the  good feelings that come with a personal history book or video.

What clients may not appreciate are the positive feelings that arise with personal histories. It’s not just a book or video.

Parents and children talk about feeling closer to each other after engaging in a life story. Parents are touched by the thoughtfulness of their children undertaking such an endeavor. Still other recipients of a personal history find a new appreciation for their life accomplishments.

A personal history is  a connection to the soul.

What are some of the ways that you exceed your client’s expectations?

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How to Get the Stories in a Life Story Interview.

iStock_in the beginningWhat makes a great story? If you think of the characteristics of your favorite novels, you’ll probably come up with a list like mine:

o engaging characters

o interesting settings

o intriguing and coherent plot

o surprising twists and turns

o conflict and resolution

These same story elements also apply to non-fiction works like life stories or memoirs. One of the pitfalls that inexperienced personal historians  make is to forget this. Great stories engage the reader or listener.

A narrative that reads, “This happened and then that happened. And then this happened followed by that happening.” is not engaging. It’s simply a recitation of events, places, and details.  It’s boring.

Here’s how you can ensure that you get great stories.

As you interview a client, listen carefully and ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does the story have a strong sense of place?
  • Are the characters well drawn?
  • Is the story intriguing?
  • Am I drawn in?
  • Am I delighted?
  • Am I surprised?
  • Is there a sense of moving forward – a journey?
  • Is the storyteller emotionally connected to the story?
  • Is this a crucial story in the person’s life? Is it a turning point?
  • Does the story seem to have a purpose? That is, is it worth telling?

If your answer is “No” to any one of these, gently redirect the interview. Ask questions that will turn the “No’s” into “Yes’s”.

You’ll be surprised at how much more engaging your client’s  stories will be.

Guaranteed.

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Monday’s Link Roundup.

Monday's Link Roundup

In today’s Monday’s Link Roundup, be sure to read So Many Snapshots, So Few Voices Saved. It speaks eloquently to why personal historians do the work they do.  And for a feast for the eyes,  don’t miss A Typographic Tour of New York City at Night.

  • What Good Is Listening Anyway? “I’ve observed that good listeners set themselves apart with a few key habits. These behaviors come naturally to some, but they can be practiced or developed by anyone. Here are a few tips to consider:”
  • Life Lessons from the Newtown Obituaries. “For adults, obits are about what they did. But for children, they’re about who they were. It’s about their spirit, that nebulous thing we sense when we’re around people we love and enjoy. As a result, the obituaries for the children of Newtown could end up less of a reminder of how they died than a lesson on how to live… I’m asking my fellow adults to reconsider how you’d like to be remembered, and then start living that way in small ways, every day. Live so that your obituary reads less like a résumé and more like a tribute to someone who will be dearly missed.” [Thanks to Pat McNees of Writers and Editors for alerting me to this item.]
  • So Many Snapshots, So Few Voices Saved. “I remember the regret I felt after my mom died, years ago, that we had no recording of her voice on tape. And yet when my dad died in 2008 — same thing. Plenty of photographs, but no record of the sound of his voice. I’m glad to have the photos, but I miss the immediacy of those voices, the way that even a recorded voice captures the movement of time and the resonance of the body with extraordinary intimacy.”
  • A Typographic Tour of New York City at Night. “In 2008, photographer duo James and Karla Murray took us on a breathtaking tour of New York’s disappearing face in their stunning visual archive of mom-and-pop storefront signage — a bittersweet project eight years in the making, documenting shops more than half of which are now gone. This season, they’re back with New York Nights (UK; public library) — a striking, lavish street-level tour of New York City’s typographic neon mesmerism, revealed through the illuminated storefronts of some of the city’s most revered bars, diners, speakeasies, theaters, and other epicenters of public life.”
  • I was writing my life story, but left myself out of the picture. “A few months ago I started taking a night-school course called True to Life: Writing Your Own Story…I decided I was going to learn to write what I thought was my life story. With Beth as our teacher, however, something more than just writing happened in class.”
  • Don’t Burn Your Books—Print Is Here to Stay. “Lovers of ink and paper, take heart. Reports of the death of the printed book may be exaggerated. Ever since Amazon introduced its popular Kindle e-reader five years ago, pundits have assumed that the future of book publishing is digital…Half a decade into the e-book revolution, though, the prognosis for traditional books is suddenly looking brighter. Hardcover books are displaying surprising resiliency. The growth in e-book sales is slowing markedly. And purchases of e-readers are actually shrinking, as consumers opt instead for multipurpose tablets. It may be that e-books, rather than replacing printed books, will ultimately serve a role more like that of audio books—a complement to traditional reading, not a substitute.”

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Your Favorite Posts of 2012.

check mark

Here are the most popular posts of the past year. If you missed some of these, now’s your chance to find out what attracted others to these articles.

Do you have a favorite article that isn’t on the list? Share it with us here.

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