Entries tagged as ‘reflection’
This past week I’ve been reminded how much our treasured possessions are a window into the stories of our life. My frail, ninety-one year old, mother has started to go through her modest collection of jewelry. She’s carefully trying to match each piece with a relative or friend she thinks would appreciate having it after she has died. Sitting with her, she began telling me the stories behind each piece. There are the art deco black-and-white earrings she bought to go with a very fashionable dress my father bought her shortly after they were married. A silver bracelet brought back by my dad from Pakistan during WWII is tarnished but her memories of my dad’s war experiences remain vivid. Each piece unlocks a story in my mother’s life.
And then there was a colleague at Victoria Hospice who told me of a unique funeral celebration he attended. A friend of the deceased gave a eulogy that was built entirely around photos of the shoes in her friend’s life. Each pair of shoes had a story to tell.
In The Globe and Mail newspaper on Thursday, I read an essay entitled Family Ties. It tells the story of a son’s remembrance of his father through the neckties that were passed down to him. Here’s an excerpt:
The other day I was getting ready for work and went into my closet to get a tie…I reached for a brown-, blue- and white-striped tie and I remembered that it was one of my father’s. He died last year and shortly afterward my mother, who was almost 80, made the decision to sell the big house we all grew up in. It took her a while, but she finally tackled the job of cleaning out my father’s closets… My father had a lot of ties – dozens and dozens and dozens of them…. And so, on this morning, I found myself knotting my father’s tie, remembering how we stood in front of the mirror years ago, him teaching me how to get a half-Windsor just right. I smiled, knowing I might be the only person in the building that day with a tie on.
Another interesting use of objects to tell a story appeared on the NPR website. Entitled A Catalog — Literally — Of Broken Dreams, it reviews the book Important Artifacts, by New York Times op-ed page art director Leanne Shapton. The NPR article points out:
Foregoing narrative entirely, Shapton tells the story of a couple’s relationship in the form of a staggeringly precise ersatz auction catalog that annotates the common detritus of a love affair — notes, CD mixes, e-mails, photos, books— and places the objects up for sale…. In choosing the conceit of an auction catalog, Shapton reminds us that the story of love can be told through the things we leave behind, but also by the condition in which we leave them.
All of this got me thinking. Wouldn’t it be interesting to do a memoir or life story built around the special things someone possesses? Something to keep in mind. Have you already done something like this? Love to hear from you, if you have.
Photo by Kylie
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Categories: Life stories · Memoirs · Personal historian · Tips
Tagged: family keepsake, favorite things, memoir, Personal historian, personal histories, preserving, reflection, stories
According to a recent study at the University of California, listening to music can be of benefit to Alzheimer’s patients. I became aware of this several years ago when I directed a series of documentary films for the National Film Board of Canada entitled Caregivers. In my research I talked to a number of people caring for a family member with Alzheimer’s. What was remarkable were the number of stories of people who had all but forgotten who they were but who could still sit down at a piano and play or sing songs from long ago.
The poet William Cowper in his poem Music and Recollection captures the power of music to unlock memories:
With easy force it opens all the cells
Where Memory slept. Wherever I have heard
A kindred melody, the scene recurs,
And with it all its pleasures and its pains.
Such comprehensive views the spirit takes,
That in a few short moments I retrace
(As in a map the voyager his course)
The windings of my way through many years.
The other day, I was again reminded of this phenomenon. I was responding to a colleague’s request on the Association of Personal Historian’s Listserv. She was asking for help on how to gather information for a life story from an individual whose memory was fading. I mentioned the possibility of using music to aid in memory recall. This sparked recollections from other Listserv members who reminisced about touching moments when music helped an aging parent . They have generously allowed me to share these stories with you here.
My mom, Marie, died from Alzheimer’s. She had always loved music and played the piano by ear. Shortly before she died, long after she really knew who we were, long after she could walk or take care of her basic needs or read or even carry on much of a conversation, my sister wheeled her over to the grand piano in the facility where she lived. And she played a tune. I had forgotten all about this until I read Dan’s post. As they say, “thanks for the memories.”
Susan Owens – talesfortelling.com
I worked briefly on a project a few summers ago with a neighbor whose mother no longer remembered anyone in the family or her group of long-time friends (I was actually helping him wrap up her story because he had given up on getting more information).
While he was visiting her one day in a facility where she was staying after a fall, he watched as his mother drifted toward a member of another family. They had walked into the community room carrying a violin case for one of the other residents. Without hesitation, his mother rolled her wheelchair up to the stranger and asked if she could “see” the violin. And, to his amazement, moments later, she was playing it!
My neighbor, her son, knew that she had played in her younger years, before marrying , and that she had always said she was quite good. In talking with her after the impromptu concert, she suddenly asked if he would like to take lessons from her. He had no desire to learn but accepted her offer so that they would have a mutual activity.
Weeks later, she bragged about him as “her star pupil” and, during their breaks, she ended up telling him stories from a part of her life that he’d never known. The “lessons” lasted nearly a year before her mind and her physical control began fading rapidly. Interestingly, during those months, she became very introspective about her parents and the impact they had on her life and very philosophical about her aspirations and dreams – but, the observations and assumptions she made were based on the period of her life as a concert violinist!!
Stephen Evans – www.the-freelance-editor.com
As we were moving my parents out of their home into an assisted living facility (because my dad needed that kind of care), one of the last things to leave the house was the old family piano. It had been in Dad’s childhood home and he had played most evenings after supper for more than eighty years. The evening before the piano movers arrived, my partner Kathy and I went over to have dinner with my parents. Kathy, who is a very talented musician, went to the piano and began to play. Knowing that Dad loved Jerome Kern’s melodies, she started out with some tunes from “Showboat.” Dad had been sitting in his armchair, staring blankly at the wall. When the music began he suddenly focused on Kathy and started to sing along, perfectly on pitch, with every word of the lyrics intact. They played and sang together for almost two hours while Mom and I smiled at each other and wept silently in the other room. It was the first time that Dad had perked up like that in months, and it was a wonderful gift to us all. Dad wasn’t able to play a single note by himself anymore, but with Kathy’s help the music came back to him.
Linda Coffin – www.historycrafters.com
Photo by Desirae
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Categories: Life stories · Tips
Tagged: Alzheimer's, benefit, memories, musical memory, reflection, William Cowper
If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.
Pearl S. Buck – (1892-1973) American writer
Preparing our personal history offers us the opportunity to look back on all our yesterdays. By doing so, we come to see more clearly how we got to where we are, the values that have inspired us along the way and what wisdom we’ve accumulated. A clearer understanding of our past helps us better navigate our future course.
Photo by Markus M.
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Categories: Life stories · Quotes
Tagged: life story, Pearl S. Buck, quote, recall, reflection
I recently read an essay, Lessons Beyond Words by Darren Yourk on the Globe and Mail website. It’s subtitled, While thrashing me at Scrabble, Grandma did more than expand my vocabulary. She shared our family’s story. Yourk’s piece is both humorous and touching. Here’s an excerpt:
I grew to accept Grandma handing me a humbling vocabulary lesson as a regular part of every trip north to visit. I took solace in the fact my lexicon was expanding with every thrashing, adding words such as purl (a knitting stitch), thatch (a roof made of straw or reeds) and trivet (a metal stand for a hot dish or kettle).
Over time I began to realize she was giving history lessons, too, filling in the blanks of my family’s past with vivid tales that left me wide-eyed or roaring with laughter. A single game often lasted more than an hour, the time between turns stretched by memories.
All around us are opportunities to tap into the rich reservoir of our family stories. We just have to ask. We can start the conversation with our elders over a card game, a meal or a walk. And if we can record these at the same time, even better.
You can read or listen to an audio version of Lessons Beyond Words by clicking here.
Photo by Rach Hutchinson
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Categories: Life stories · Preservation · Tips
Tagged: family stories, reflection, scrabble, Tips, wisdom
Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.
Margaret J. Wheatley, is a writer and management consultant who studies organizational behavior.
I’ve mentioned before that one of the advantages of working on one’s life story is that it provides an opportunity for reflection. I find the end of the year is a natural time for reflection. I block out some quiet time and look back on the past twelve months. These are some of the questions I ponder. What has worked for me? What hasn’t? What goals did I achieve? What am I the proudest of? What regrets do I have? What do I need to do more of?
Photo by hobvias sudoneighm
Categories: Life stories · Quotes
Tagged: end of year, life story, Margaret J. Wheatley, Questions, quote, reflection
In a previous article, 14 Questions to Help You Build a Better Business, I wrote about the value of using the end of the year for reflection. I decided to take my own advice and use this final week of 2009 to take a break from posting articles and do a little reflecting of my own. It’s a good time to relax and plan for 2010. I’m excited about bringing you more articles that may be of help to you.
Today is special. It marks the completion of 100 posts. When I started this blog back in July, some eight moths ago, I didn’t know if I could come up with three posts a week and enjoy writing them at the same time. It was definitely an experiment. Well, I’m happy to report that I’ve really enjoyed researching and writing the articles. And it’s been gratifying to receive positive comments from people who’ve found value in my work.
