Not really but we’re a superstitious bunch. Step on a crack, break your mother’s back. The number 13, black cats and walking under a ladder – all unlucky. We can add another – writing your life story means death is imminent. It sounds absurd but from my experience this fear is alive and well.
I’ve had adult children of aging parents approach me and say, “We’d like to get Mom’s life story recorded but we’re afraid she’ll think that her time is almost up.” I’ve also had some folks in their 70’s tell me, “I’m not dead yet! I’ll get around to my life story later on.”
So what’s the basis of this reluctance? I think that none of us really wants to confront the fact that we’re mortal. Of course, we know that one day the lights will go out - but not today, thank you very much and hopefully not for a long time. So when the idea of recording one’s life story comes up it sounds as if we’re doing a wrap up – kind of like writing your will and pre-arranging your funeral. As I said, we don’t want to be reminded of our mortality.
What’s the solution? You need to confront the elephant in the room. Don’t skip around the question of mortality. You might say something like, “You know Mom, you’re not getting any younger and sadly some day you won’t be around to tell us the wonderful stories of your life. You know so much family history. I know that one day your grandchildren and their chidren will be so grateful that you took the time to record your stories. Right now you’re in good health and able to do this. What do you think? Can we get started this week?”
If you encounter some hesitancy, ask Mom if there are questions she might have about the actual work itself. She might want to know how long it will take or whether she has to remember dates and names and so on. If you answer all her questions and you still sense some reluctance, don’t push. If you push too hard she’s likely to dig in her heels and you’ll get nowhere. Just say something like, “You know Mom, let’s leave it for now and next week I’ll check in with you again. I really hope you’ll say yes to this. It would be such a wonderful gift.”
The time to begin a life story is now because we really don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
Photo by Robert Simmons
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