What part of a Life Story do you focus on when it appears patients may have only a few weeks or days to live? Patients may initially indicate that they want to talk about the broad spectrum of their lives from childhood to the present. The reality, unfortunately, is that they’re not likely to have enough time to complete such an undertaking. Here’s what I’ve suggested…Read more.
It’s the end of the year and time for list making. These are the posts from 2011 that were the most popular with readers. If you’ve missed some of them, now’s your chance to catch up over the holidays. Enjoy!
At Victoria Hospice we’re into the third year of a Life Stories service for patients registered with Hospice. This is a program that I initiated and continue to be involved with as a trainer and a mentor for our Life Stories Volunteer Interviewers… Read more.
The questions which one asks oneself begin, at least, to illuminate the world, and become one’s key to the experience of others. ~ James A. Baldwin
Imagine that you’re coming to the last chapter of a book or the final hour of a video life story you’re doing. It may be your own or it could be a story you’ve been hired to record. Every detail has been covered from childhood to the present. How can you wrap up this life story in a way that feels satisfying? As a colleague said, “The book is ending; the life is not.”… More
“The key point [of my interviews] was empathy because everybody in their lives is really waiting for people to ask them questions, so that they can be truthful about who they are and how they became what they are.”
Marc Pachter founded Living Self-Portraits at the Smithsonian and was its master interviewer. In his TED talk below he shares the challenges of getting a good interview.
…if all you’re going to get from the interviewee is their public self, there’s no point in it. It’s pre-programmed. It’s infomercial, and we all have infomercials about our lives. We know the great lines, we know the great moments, we know what we’re not going to share, …
Marc recounts several interviews and how he cut below the surface conversation to have his subjects reveal the truth of their lives.
Marc’s talk reminds me of the advice I give to those I train for life story interviewing. I tell my students they need to ask the “courageous questions”. These are the questions that people have been waiting to be asked all of their lives. It requires courage on both sides. The interviewer must be confident enough to raise the questions. The interviewee must be unafraid to answer them.
Our work as personal historians, unlike Marc Pachter’s, seldom involves the famous. But the need to go beyond the pre-programmed responses is the same. How do we do that in a way that’s both incisive and empathetic? Here are some clues.
trust your intuition
Intuition is that ability of knowing without any rational explanation – a kind of sixth sense. I’ve talked about this to some degree in a previous article, How to Listen with Your Eyes.
When we’re engaged in an interview, it’s not just the words we’re listening to but also the subtext. It’s the eyes that give us clues to what’s behind the words. Our subject may express happiness and contentment but the eyes are sad. We may hear kindness and openness but the eyes are angry and narrowed. If we’re doing our job well, we need to check out this dissonance with our interviewee. By listening with our eyes we unearth a richer more authentic story.
Trusting your intuition and blurting it out doesn’t mean that it’s always right. And that’s okay. People will set you straight if you’ve missed the mark.
As a rule, I generally preface my hunches with something like, “I have this feeling and I might be totally off base but I’d like to check it out…” [followed by the courageous question.]
With time and practice we can begin to trust our intuition and put it at the service of our clients.
Acknowledge the elephant
An elephant in the room can crush the intimacy from an interview. To help people express themselves and as Pachter says “to feel what they … [want] to say and to be an agent of their self-revelation” we need to be fearless in acknowledging the elephant.
The caveat is that we must always be clear on our intent. We are the means through which people can speak unburdened. Our intent is not to embarrass, intimidate, or expose the interviewee.
For example, in my work I’ve found that most of those at the end of life welcome an opportunity to talk about their fears and hopes. But I also know that it’s not uncommon for friends and family of terminally-ill patients to avoid the subject of death altogether. While it’s perfectly understandable, such silence can leave the dying feeling even more isolated.
be curious
Curiosity is one of the key tools in an interviewer’s toolkit. It’s both playful and disarming. The question begins with “I wonder or I’m curious…” and invites an exploration between you and the interviewee.
Questions that are asked out of curiosity usually lead to responses that are authentic and deep.
For example, after listening to your interviewee go on and on about their terrible childhood you might ask, “You’ve painted such a bleak picture of your childhood, I was wondering what were some of the good things that you can recall?”
Such a question stops the interviewee from the pre-programmed, infomercial described by Marc Pachter and gives the person an opportunity to dig deeper and uncover some bright spots.
conclusion
As personal historians we owe it to our clients to ask the courageous questions. One’s life story is more than a sterile recitation of dates, names, places, and events. Ultimately it’s about the complexity and richness of a soul’s journey. Courageous questions unlock this richness and give heart and substance to a personal history.
What’s worse than having no clients at all? If you said the client from hell, you’re absolutely right. Here are seven questions to ask yourself that will ensure that you don’t end up working with Satan’s cousin.
1. Do I have the time? Look carefully at what’s on your plate right now. This should include not only current projects but also ongoing business tasks such as networking, promotion, and bookkeeping. Don’t forget to factor in personal … Read More
I’ve always found it relatively easy to interview someone who is outgoing and an extrovert. The challenge is interviewing someone who is more withdrawn and tends to respond with one word or one sentence answers. It’s like pulling teeth to get their story. If it’s an older person who is also hard of hearing and has poor vision, it can make the interview that much more difficult. So how do you interview a challenging subject? Here’s what I’ve learned … Read More
The questions which one asks oneself begin, at least, to illuminate the world, and become one’s key to the experience of others.
~ James A. Baldwin
Imagine that you’re coming to the last chapter of a book or the final hour of a video life story you’re doing. It may be your own or it could be a story you’ve been hired to record. Every detail has been covered from childhood to the present. How can you wrap up this life story in a way that feels satisfying? As a colleague said, “The book is ending; the life is not.”
An approach of mine that you might try is to use the final chapter to explore what I call contemplative questions. These are questions that go to the core values and beliefs of a person - such things as life lessons learned, regrets and successes, hopes for the future, expressions of forgiveness and gratitude, and spirituality.
While some of this content may arise naturally in the course of recounting a life, it’s useful to focus on it at the end. Why? Because as a personal historian I find that my clients and I have developed a rapport by the end of hours of interviewing. There is a level of trust and comfort that is more conducive to sharing heartfelt convictions.
Another reason for covering this material at the end is that by that point a person has looked back on their life and examined it in detail. This process of recollection naturally begins to raise existential questions.
One lesson I’ve learned though is that these contemplative questions should never be sprung on people. The first time I tried this, my poor client stared at me like a deer caught in the headlights. People need time to reflect and compose their answers in a calm and unhurried manner. Now I hand out the contemplative questions to my clients a week or two in advance so they have time to think them over.
There’s no right way to end a life story. But if you’re searching for an approach that works, I’d recommend using a series of contemplative questions. You can find a sample of contemplative questions in a previous post here.
For other examples of contemplative questions, check these out. Not all the questions may be suitable in your case, but you’ll find plenty that are.
At Victoria Hospice we’re into the third year of a Life Stories service for patients registered with Hospice. This is a program that I initiated and continue to be involved with as a trainer and a mentor for our Life Stories Volunteer Interviewers.
Among the concerns that have arisen for the Interviewers, one, in particular, has been problematic. What part of a Life Story do you focus on when it appears patients may have only a few weeks or days to live? Patients may initially indicate that they want to talk about the broad spectrum of their lives from childhood to the present. The reality, unfortunately, is that they’re not likely to have enough time to complete such an undertaking.
Here’s what I’ve suggested. The Hospice Interviewer and patient agree to start with contemplative questions first. These are questions that reveal something of who the person is, rather than the details of their life. If time permits, they can always go back to talk about childhood beginnings and the important stories from their life. So what might some of these contemplative questions be? Here are some samples.
What would you like to say to your loved ones?
What has been important in your life?
What are you the proudest of in your life?
What do you admire most about each of your children?
What has brought happiness to your life?
What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned in life?
What regrets do you have?
How would you like to be remembered?
What is it that most people don’t know about you?
What are you grateful for?
Even if you’re not involved with palliative-care patients, you may find yourself at times interviewing someone who’s very frail and elderly. There’s no guarantee that time is on your side. In such cases you may want to give some thought as to what’s essential to record. Focusing on more contemplative questions may be the answer.
What is your specialty? Be leery of anyone who answers, “Oh, I like to work on everything – books, video, audio – you name it!” It’s true that there are personal historians who are multi-talented and produce more than one type of product. But even if that is the case, I’d ask what the personal historian enjoys working on the most. Chances are that she will have a preference and if her preference doesn’t match yours, then I’d want to see some concrete examples of her work. Bottom line – if you want a book produced, it makes sense to hire someone who has a track record making books. Similarly, if you want a DVD, hire a personal historian whose specialty is video.
How long have you been a personal historian? There isn’t a magical number of years of experience that turns someone into a seasoned personal historian. But I’d prefer to hire someone who had been working professionally for at least a couple of years. The longer a personal historian has been working, the more experience he will have and the more samples of his work he will also have for your perusal. On the other hand if a personal historian is just starting out, you might be able to work out a discount depending on what he’s charging.
What attracted you to this work? There isn’t any right answer to this question. What you want to be wary of is a reply that sounds too pat, contrived, or rehearsed. Listen for an answer that suggests that this work resonates deeply with this person. For instance, she may have a compelling story to tell about the path that led her to become a personal historian.
What part of a Life Story do you focus on when it appears patients may have only a few weeks or days to live? Patients may initially indicate that they want to talk about the broad spectrum of their lives from childhood to the present. The reality, unfortunately, is that they’re not likely to have enough time to complete such an undertaking. Here’s what I’ve suggested…Read more.
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