A reader recently asked, “Two people have consented to [an ethical will] but I think video taping them would be more personal for the receiving family. Can you see some possible landmines?” This was my reply….Read more.
Posted in End of life, Ethical will, How to, Tips, Video production
Tagged Ethical will, Family, How to, Tips, video, videotaping, what to avoid
Ethical Wills aren’t new. In fact they go back to Biblical times. But it’s within the last few decades that they’ve grown in popularity. People feel the need to leave something more than their worldly possessions. They want to convey to loved ones what they value, what has made their life meaningful, the hopes they have for their family and friends, lessons learned, and their regrets and achievements.
An excellent place to start composing your own Ethical Will is with Susan Turnbull’s The Wealth of Your Life: A Step-by-Step Guide for Creating Your Ethical Will. This is the third edition of her popular book first published in 2005.
Having designed and run numerous workshops on Ethical Wills myself, I was eager to work through Susan’s guide. To begin with it looks gorgeous. In fact it looks so good I was hesitant to begin writing in it! The 40 page guide is divided into 5 steps: imagining your audience, opening lines, reflecting and making notes, integrating your thoughts, and composing your Ethical Will.
A number of the changes in the Third Edition are cosmetic – changing fonts, redesigning the layout, and adding new visual elements. The core content, however, remains basically unchanged.
What’s new is that some of the steps have been expanded and are easier to follow. This is particularly true in Step Three: Creating Your Ethical Will which is the core of the guide. It’s divided into five themes: your feelings, your values, your perspective, your history, and your will or estate plan.
I know from experience how difficult it is to identify core values. It’s not something we’re asked to do every day. Step Three’s Your Values theme has been improved by the addition of a referral list of 82 values. To further aid readers to discover their values they’re asked to write down An activity or role that gives my life meaning and purpose. Then they’re prompted to identify The personal values that are reflected. And finally, readers are asked to consider The biggest reward of that activity/role. These prompts helped me see more clearly why some activities had meaning and purpose in my life.
I worked my way through all the sections of the guide and found that the prompts really helped me extract the juice from my life. All that remains now is to take all my notes and complete writing my Ethical Will.
It would have been helpful to include in the guide a few tips on the process of preparing an Ethical Will. We’re all different in how we like to do things but these few suggestions would give readers some guidance.
If you’re curious about Ethical Wills and looking for guidance in composing one, I highly recommend you pick up a copy of The Wealth of Your Life. Remember the words of Bertrand Russell, “One must care about a world one will not see.”
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Posted in Ethical will, How to, Tips, Writing
Tagged Ethical will, Philosophy, Religion and Spirituality, study guide, Susan Turnbull, Wills, Writers Resources, Writing
In 2008 I wrote and posted this seven-part, self-directed Ethical Will Course. I felt it was time to bring it back and make it available to those of you who may have missed it the first time…Read more.
Posted in Courses, Ethical will, How to, Writing
Tagged creating, Ethical will, Ethical will course, How to, Religion and Spirituality, step-by-step guide, values, Writing
“My friends, love is better than anger.
Hope is better than fear.
Optimism is better than despair.
So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic.
And we’ll change the world.”
~ Jack Layton, (1950-2011) MP and Leader of the Official Opposition, Canada
These were the inspirational closing words of a farewell letter to Canadians written by Jack Layton days before he died on August 22nd.
While not known widely outside his native land, Layton held a special place of affection and admiration for Canadians. This could be seen in the unprecedented outpouring of sorrow during a week that culminated in his state funeral on August 27th in Toronto.
Globe and Mail columnist Sandra Martin in her article Why a farewell letter can comfort and inspire wrote:
Jack Layton wasn’t the first person to send a public deathbed letter to friends, colleagues and supporters and he won’t be the last…Memories fade or become altered with time, but a letter is a literary document that retains its original text and ensures that your words– rather than somebody else’s interpretation of them–are passed on…Writing a farewell letter, even in conjunction with others, forces you to think deeply and hard about the message you want to send and how you to express it… For mourners, the letter can become a talisman. You can carry it in your pocket, consult it when grief wallops you, and reread it like a gospel to help you make decisions in keeping with the deceased’s wishes.
Reading Martin’s article, I was reminded of the value of these “legacy” letters. Even if we’re not dying, a legacy letter, sometimes called an ethical will, can be a source of comfort for those who will one day be left behind. I’ve written about ethical wills in a previous article What Do Sidney Poitier and Ethical Wills Have In Common?
For those of you interested in writing your own or in teaching others to write an ethical will, check out my free Ethical Will Course here.
Have you written your legacy letter yet?
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A reader recently asked, “Two people have consented to [an ethical will] but I think video taping them would be more personal for the receiving family. Can you see some possible landmines?” This was my reply.
There are several things to be cautious of when undertaking a video ethical will.
If you’re interested in learning more about ethical wills, check out my previous articles:
If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by email.
Image by Mark Chadwick
Posted in End of life, Ethical will, How to, Tips
Tagged Ethical will, How to, Tips, videotaping, what to avoid
In 2008 I wrote and posted this seven-part, self-directed Ethical Will Course. I felt it was time to bring it back and make it available to those of you who may have missed it the first time.
Photo by Caitlin Heller
If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by email.
Posted in Ethical will, Ethical Will Course
Tagged Ethical will course, How to, Writing
Today is special. It marks the completion of 100 posts. When I started this blog back in July, some eight moths ago, I didn’t know if I could come up with three posts a week and enjoy writing them at the same time. It was definitely an experiment. Well, I’m happy to report that I’ve really enjoyed researching and writing the articles. And it’s been gratifying to receive positive comments from people who’ve found value in my work.
I’ve tried to write for both the professional personal historian and for those of you simply involved in a personal history project with a family member. I don’t know how successful I’ve been at straddling that line. I’d welcome your comments on that. In fact, any comments you have for improvement or changes will be very welcome. I’ll give each and every one of your suggestions my attention and consideration.
I was curious to see what have been the most popular of my posts. I’ve compiled a list of the top ten beginning with the post that received the most attention. Many in the top ten had to do with my series on writing your Ethical Will. Perhaps this suggests that another series would be of interest to viewers. What do you think?
And what are some of my favorite posts out of the 100? I’ll pick two – 6 Lessons My Cat Taught Me About Time Management and How a Prehistoric Cave Painting Came to My Rescue . I like these because they bring together quite different subjects in a creative way to make a point. They also have a personal connection. My cat Annie spends a good part of the morning snoozing on my desk and acting as my muse. And discovering a picture of a prehistoric cave painting spoke to me in a profound way about our need to be remembered and not forgotten.
Here then are the top 10 posts of the past 8 months. Just click on the link to take you directly to the post.
Photo by David Greenwald
Posted in Courses, Ethical will, Life stories, Writing
Tagged reflection, the 100th post, top ten posts, Writing posts
My work both as a hospice volunteer and as a personal historian involves helping people record their stories at life’s end. When we know our time is limited it can focus our mind on what is truly important. There are many ways of saying goodbye. Some people choose an ethical will, something that I’ve written about in previous posts. Others prefer a video or book that chronicles their life. For some it could be a scrapbook filled with a lifetime of memorabilia. And still others put together a photo book that graphically highlights a life lived.
The other day my friend Gwyn alerted me to her son’s blog. Rob Jones has created a wonderful site devoted to the music he loves. It’s called The Delete Bin and what caught my attention were his list of 10 songs about death. One of them was written and sung by Warren Zevon after he knew he had only a short time to live. It is a poignant and powerful reminder that we all need to find a way to say goodbye…even if we are well and hope to go on living for some time. The truth is we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Take a listen. Maybe there’s a poem or song in you that needs to be written now, to those you love.
Photo by Tanakawho
Posted in End of life, Ethical will, Life stories, Palliative care, Songs, Writing
Tagged Ethical wills, goodbye, life story, song, Warren Zevon
If you’ve been working each week on your ethical will, you’ll have filled up a good many pages in your notebook. This week it’s time to put it all together.
Here’s what I’d suggest you do:
I hope you’ve found these past few weeks worthwhile and enjoyable. If you’ve any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me and I’ll try my best to help you.
Photo by Caitlin Heller
Posted in Ethical will, How to, Writing
Tagged Ethical will course, final draft, Writing
This week you have an opportunity to look back and reflect on the regrets and achievements in your life. After that we’ll focus on your hopes for the future and the hopes you have for those you love.
Regrets
Writing about regrets can help you understand the circumstances that led to the regret and hopefully provide you with some insight. Regrets are inevitable but take some comfort in knowing that we’ve all made some major blunders in our life, so you’re not alone.
In his book No Regrets, Dr. Hamilton Beazley, lists 10 steps to letting go of regrets and the very first step is to write them down.
Exercise: In your ethical will notebook, find a blank page and at the top write the heading “Regrets”. As you look back on your life make a list of your regrets. Don’t worry if some are seemingly insignificant – put them down anyway. For example, one of my regrets is that I never learned to swim. Now this isn’t huge and if I really wanted to, I could enroll in a swimming class for adults. What’s important is that you just begin the process of listing regrets.
Look at your list and select one or two regrets that you consider to be significant. Write about this regret and what you’ve learned and attempt to put it in some perspective. As an example, in my ethical will I wrote,
One of my regrets in life is that I never pursued my belief that I had the potential to be a television or radio host. I’m a natural in front of an audience and my publicity appearances on TV and radio have always been fun. I loved the energy involved. What I know though is that had I pursued that avenue so many other doors would have been closed. I would never have made the films I have and most likely wouldn’t be a personal historian, something I truly love. Besides, if I still have the “bug” I can find avenues to satisfy my interest. Who knows, maybe I’ll host a Community Radio or Television program on “Life after 50.”
Achievements
The Miriam-Webster Dictionary defines achievement as a result gained by effort. The result can be big or small. It’s the effort that counts. What I want you to consider in this section are your achievements. Our lives may have been filled with prominent achievements or unheralded ones. This is an opportunity to write about what you consider important. My mother believed her main achievements were running a well organized home, being a loving wife and mother and producing the best pastries in the neighborhood.
Exercise:Turn to another blank page in your notebook and write the heading, “Achievements.” To help you reflect on your most important achievements, try answering this question. If you were to be honored for one thing in your life, what would it be? Another way of looking at achievements is to look at what you hope your obituary will one day say about you.
Hopes
One of my favorite quotes about hope is by American writer Barbara Kingsolver. “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.”
Exercise: Find a blank page in your ethical will notebook and at the top write, “Hopes.” What is it that you hope for? How have you lived inside your hope? What do you hope for your loved ones?
Some books you might find helpful:
Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda: Overcoming Regrets, Mistakes, and Missed Opportunities
Finding Hope: Ways to See Life in a Brighter Light
Maximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed
Next week the conclusion of our Ethical Will series, Part Seven ~ Putting It All Together
Photo by woodleywonderworks
Posted in Ethical will, How to, Tips
Tagged achievements, Ethical will course, hopes, How to, regrets, Tips
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